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Archive for May 31st, 2013

Skype and Teddy Ruxpin

This is what it’s like trying to skype with Andrew while he’s on deployment.

Let’s say you’re 5 years old and you get the best toy ever: Teddy Ruxpin. And pretty much everyone else you know has Teddy Ruxpins, but they’re just not as good as yours because yours is cuter and nerdier. Anyway. Your Teddy Ruxpin has to go away for awhile, and it’s sad but you’ll survive. Every day you live your life surrounded by people with Teddy Ruxpins, complaining about how their Teddy Ruxpins don’t do the dishes or whatever, and all you keep thinking is… I wish my Teddy Ruxpin was around to not do the dishes. But it’s okay, because your Teddy Ruxpin is the best Teddy Ruxpin. Occasionally you get a picture of your Teddy in uniform with his guys, and you remember how yours is the best.

So one day, your teacher pulls out a Teddy Ruxpin from the cabinet and you instantly know it’s yours. And the teacher says… “you can’t touch him, but I’ll let him tell you a story. Would you like that?” And you say yes, because talking to him is better than not talking to him at all. And then as soon as she says that, she puts him away. And you’re confused, but at least you got to see him, and he’s okay.

And then the teacher takes him out again, asking the same question. You say yes, again, and this time she waits to put the cassette in and then puts him away. This happens over and over again for about 30 minutes, by which point you’re angry but trying to keep it together. FINALLY the teacher takes him out, hits play, and the story begins. Teddy tells you about the sand and the heat and his guys and then as soon as you start talking about your future, or your wedding, or the mission he’s going on soon, the teacher takes him away.

“WAIT!” you yell. “I just need 5 more minutes. That’s it.”

The teacher looks at you as she is putting Teddy back… again. You start to wonder if this is a cruel trick to break you down… when the teacher brings him out again. Teddy is halfway through talking about his next mission when the teacher turns him off again.

You look around the room. All of your friends are cuddling their Teddy Ruxpins. You start to cry, because you just want one more minute. Just enough time to tell Teddy you love him and you’ll see him soon. But no matter how many more times the teacher takes him out of the cabinet, she barely hits play when she immediately puts him back.

The End.

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